The Fantastic Lore: Imagine If?

June 30, 2022

By: Richard. H. Swan Jr.

Imagine If...?

Imagine If, 'The Man' (Eugene) wasn't 'The Man?'

That he in fact, was all-in... on Straw and String's " Take over the world" plan?



It's sometime around the year 1952. Into the world is born a Baby boy, adding to a family on the brink. They were broke and didn't know what to do.

It was made all the worse, because poor Eugene was born with a defect, it was his right foot... it was slew. Also, he walked around with only one shoe.

As he grew up, Eugene became accustomed to all his classmates teasing him. It left him isolated from the 'IN' group, and all alone. He realized very early

on that never having the acceptance of others, left him to discover talents he had, and the time it took for him to hone. An obsession he's always held

since as far back as he recalls; was to collect objects. Pens, paper, things from everywhere. As it so happened, he used them all. He knew he had acquired

a lot but the total amount he couldn't call.


Being pretty good at mechanical design, Eugene toiled day in, and day out until a truly brilliant idea developed in his mind. At the very least, it felt like a sign.

"That's it!" He shouted to none except himself. "I will create the world's first self-sustaining 'regeneration of organic matter' machine! " R.O.O.M... for short,

No doubt he saw all the possibilities in his eye's gleam.


"It'll be a hit, I'm sure, and I'll gain a ton of wealth!" Clearly, he hadn't really processed fully what it would entail, issues of all kinds. It was apparent, Eugene was

possibly out of his mind. In truth, He never fully fleshed out any type of a sane design.


Still, for two decades he tinkered a bit here, repositioned a part there. Then one day, as he was drinking some pop soda from a straw, he smelled something funny wafting through one of the many valves, it was a strange little colored mix of red and yellow. He sat his cup on the table, swiped his finger across the liquid then

sniffed it and then he licked it. It tasted like Jell-O.

Not but a few minutes had passed by, and he felt sky-high, followed by a sigh. Then he let out a laugh, and then a cry. Afterwards, he slumped over the table, and passed out. When he finally came to, what he saw before him with his own two eyes, was in his life, the biggest, and most amazing surprise!


It was a cup, and a Straw previously knocked over...Miraculously starting to rise...!! Eugene sensed the moment was big, but since "his moments " were of which

he could never, ever brag, and yet he, without hesitation would definitively fib. As that-saving face characteristic would be a precursor to how he would live.


Although Eugene liked playing in his head with machinations of being 'that guy' He knew he wasn't really that interested in it so why try? Many would want to kill just

for a chance to play, even a very small part. How strange were his thoughts of the wanting another start? It never was about anything other than a fantastic crew.

He felt a kinship to a wonderfully twisted Straw, and a somewhat deranged String. Together, he knew they would all rise to do great things. Although, he had a long

and loving relationship with his shoes, the fact they seemed to always cause him to lose his footing at the strangest times went by him like the wind. He never had an inkling despite the many, many clues.


Word had begun to spread rapidly, there were rumblings in the breeze. It was becoming clear that a great number of 'Buy Products' had intentions of upending

humanity with a mishmash of recycled product lunacy in varying degrees. Taking no prisoners, giving not one single inch. They felt inspired to use this Man in a

pinch.  Time has come to reveal with maniacal zeal that products are about to give the humans the business, as the world at large will marvel in wonder at whatever

this is!

June 30, 2022

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